DEALING WITH LONELINESS WHEN LEVELING UP
Loneliness is a prerequisite for leveling up.
When you start making different decisions, when your habits change, when your standards rise, when your vision for your life expands, you will start to feel isolated.
That isolated feeling is where most people give up, but here’s what I want you to know: Loneliness doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it might actually be the clearest sign that you’re on the right path.
While we are not meant to go through life alone, when you are consciously choosing to expand your life, you will naturally begin to think differently, act differently, and have less in common with those you used to relate to.
You’ll find yourself in an in-between space - no longer who you were, but not yet where you want to be. That’s the life of someone who is growing into a new version of themselves. And it’s one of the hardest, yet most important, lessons to learn.
Here are three reminders I want to give you in your lonely season:
1. Loneliness requires replacement
With growth comes outgrowing certain things, and instead of just cutting things out, try replacing them with something better.
In my own life, when I started saying “no” to hangouts or habits that no longer served me, I replaced that time with something else.
I swapped spending my time with certain people for watching my mentors on YouTube, reading books that challenged me, or working on a project that excited me, like RE/SET. I traded quarterly “escape” vacations for conferences where I could learn, grow, and meet people walking the same path. I got busier, which meant that instead of spending my spare time with people who drained me, I spent that time with my ride-or-dies: my family or lifelong friends.
You won’t always have to say “no” to everything. But when you’re serious about where you’re going, your time and energy will naturally shift toward the things that matter the most in that season.
2. Loneliness requires reminders
You have to remind yourself why you started. Because if you don’t, the discomfort of the in-between will tempt you to go back to what felt easier, even if it wasn’t right.
I recently asked someone how they got through their “in-between” season, the stretch between who they were and who they were becoming. She told me:
"I remind myself that I will always feel like I’m in the in-between. Because by the time I arrive at where I want to be, I’ll already have a new vision in front of me that requires an even newer version of me. The cycle continues.”
The path may never feel like your old life again, but maybe that’s the point. Keep reminding yourself that you’re becoming someone you’ve never been before and that requires a new level of vision, commitment, belief, and reminders of why you’re on the path in the first place.
3. Loneliness requires resilience
There will be moments where it feels easier to retreat, to go back to who you used to be. But this is where your resilience is built.
Resilience doesn’t mean you don’t feel the loneliness, it means you don’t let it stop you. You keep consistent anyways, you trust that everything is working for you even when it feels quiet, it means you keep walking, even if no one is clapping yet.
I have found that lonely seasons have been the best teachers.
It allows you to truly get to know and get comfortable with yourself, building a certain confidence that you couldn’t build if you didn’t experience that season.
Loneliness won’t last forever. But the version of you on the other side will.
Keep going.
X LG Curry